Live In Peace: On Ethanol.

I don't want to drink anymore.

There.
I said it.
Out loud.
On my blog.
For accountability.
And now...

...Now I'm scared I'll fail all of you who read this.

Yes, this blog is for me to document my thoughts around praying for countries in our world, because we are all facing huge challenges, whether it be physical, emotional, mental, professional, etc. Some people in our world are looking at death's door via war every single day. Some people are fighting to save their loved ones trapped beneath the destruction left behind by natural disasters, like those affected in Central Italy this morning.

And yes, I am praying for you, all of you! By reflecting on what God is calling me to do and how to align my steps with my purpose, this prayer challenge is part of the journey.

Also part of this journey: me and alcohol (*grimace*). See, alcohol and I have had somewhat of a symbiotic relationship since I was a sophomore in undergrad. Prior to that, alcohol was not really an option, nor readily available (thanks mom & dad)... so drinking wasn't really even a concept, let alone a go-to choice of beverage.

But by sophomore year, I was in my second real relationship (the first one broke my heart and hardened my spirit, but that's another story for another day), and I had made the connection between alcohol and unwinding. Engineering was STRESSFUL, or at least that's what everyone in my sphere of influence decided... and alcohol was our way to break free and prove that we were still cool and knew how to have a good time.

We threw a party in a hotel room during a conference called "40s and shorties", where the tub was literally filled with 40-ounce bottles of MD 20/20 and Olde English. We were there to prove that NOBODY could party like engineering students... especially those from the liiiiiiiivest HBCU on the planet (which, still has yet to be challenged, though NCA&T has tried). But all I proved to myself was that I could handle back to back shots and said funny things when inebriated. See, I wasn't an ANGRY drunk!

Really, Arielle? Really?

Fast forward 10 years, and now I am a 27 year-old engineer who still drinks to "take the edge off." Which, if I'm being honest really means "numbs me down so I forget what kind of day I had." Stress has increased in my life and instead of actually addressing the stress, anxiety and sadness I encounter every day at work, I'd much rather buy a bottle of Merlot with my homegirl and drink it dry because "nobody wastes liquor!" and I also don't want to be pinpointed as a "babysitter."

THAT WOULD BE SUCH A FAIL!

I have spent a decade of my life pacifying my highs and lows with ethanol. Yes. Ethanol. The same girl who stopped perming her hair because "OMG chemicals!" struggles to part with a bottle of ethanol mixed with artificial sweeteners and fresh fruits with fancy spanish, italian and french names just so I can make it through a date without jettisoning the cute guy I like out of total embarassment, anticipation of rejection and consequently self-sabotage. Say that sentence again 3x.

Yes, cute guy. I'll take another Sangria because you're paying and I need to slow my response time before I freak out and tell you that I like you so much. Please. Thank you. You're a blessing.

*DEEP SIGH*

I have much more to say on this topic, but because I don't want to make this post CRAZY long, I'll wrap it up here. I'm not sure when I'll completely stop drinking. But I have acknowledged my desire to start saying Yes to living my life sans fermented carbonyl groups. The simplified structure of H2O is way more appealing to my complicated life.

This also means that I'll have to face a lot of my fears, anxieties, and stress head on, with no cushion of a tempered glass of Chardonnay. I'm not saying it's gonna look pretty. But I've got to do something different. Shift some things around. Align with God's purpose for my life. And continue to pray for you, my friends, my family, strangers on the street corner, student driver in the left lane going 60 in a 65, policeman who thinks I'm a threat because of my skin, and the potential President of the United States.

Because we all need peace in our lives. So let's seek it out for the right reasons, and respond accordingly.