Woman Down!

Dating is selfish.

I don't mean this in a romantic "she's all mine and you better not touch her" kinda way.

Dating is always about me. How I feel about him. Is he attractive enough? Can he mesh with my friends and family? How will we look in photos together (Ashamedly, I have questioned this recently)? How do I feel when I'm with him? Does he have to stay in Houston forever? (Important!)

And if any of these answers comes back negative, or he displays any other kind of red flag, sirens go off in my head and emotional lock-down occurs.

WOMAN DOWN. CALL THE MEDICS.

I shut down. I get busy doing other things so I'm never available. I eliminate triggers that make me think about him. I delete his number. I block his number. I unfriend him on Facebook. I do WHATEVER IT TAKES to shake my spirit of his vibes. I want no more memories. I've gotta get free. For the next guy. For the sanity of my brothers and parents who have been hearing my rants. For me.

Me. Me. Me. Me. Me.
You get it.

Anyway, talking with my mother over the weekend, I realized how selfish dating tends to be, especially in the early stages.  So many of us, myself included, approach new people and new opportunities with a "fight or flight" mentality. As sooooooon as we get the opportunity and half a reason to run, many of us bolt off in the opposite direction without any thought to what we leave behind. And as someone who has both high-tailed it out and been left in the dust, I am still unable to figure out why we do this. Why do I do this?!

If the goal of dating is marriage, and marriage requires a ridiculous load of selflessness, why do we allow selfishness to dictate our dating lives? Isn't that completely antithetical? Could there be an alternative method to dating that when complete - whether it ends in marriage or just a bunch of life lessons - leaves people whole instead of broken and fighting for their pieces to glue back together?

I for one, am tired of allowing people to break me when they choose a flight pattern and disappear without even as much as a "have a nice life, sis." I am also tired of treating men like they are dispensable when I am not really feeling them.

I may have taken this whole "guard your heart" thing a little too seriously. Instead of guarding, I've begun to go on the offense.  Instead of fighting for wholeness, I've chosen to fight to break down the wholeness of others. I have recently learned that this level of selfishness in dating is not the heart of God for me.

"So... What does this have to do with your prayer series, Arielle?"

Well, friend... it has EVERYTHING to do with it! You see, as I began praying for others, God started dealing with me. And this is one of them.  I'm not saying that every other person around the world is struggling with selfishness, but I know I'm not alone.  So this is my prayer today: that you would find peace in your relationships; whether romantic, familial, professional, or friends.  I pray that if you, too, struggle with selfishness choking out your relationships and falling prey to brokenness, that you would walk in freedom.  Finally, I pray that you and I both will learn how to date better and work towards marriage (or in marriage!) in a way that both honors people and ultimately honors God.

Let's do this!

Today's Countries: French Polynesia, France, French Guiana, French Southern and Antartic Lands, Gabon, The Gambia, Gaza Strip, Georgia, Germany

                

On Ethanol.

I don't want to drink anymore.

There.
I said it.
Out loud.
On my blog.
For accountability.
And now...

...Now I'm scared I'll fail all of you who read this.

Yes, this blog is for me to document my thoughts around praying for countries in our world, because we are all facing huge challenges, whether it be physical, emotional, mental, professional, etc.  Some people in our world are looking at death's door via war every single day.  Some people are fighting to save their loved ones trapped beneath the destruction left behind by natural disasters, like those affected in Central Italy this morning.

And yes, I am praying for you, all of you! By reflecting on what God is calling me to do and how to align my steps with my purpose, this prayer challenge is part of the journey.

Also part of this journey: me and alcohol (*grimace*).  See, alcohol and I have had somewhat of a symbiotic relationship since I was a sophomore in undergrad.  Prior to that, alcohol was not really an option, nor readily available (thanks mom & dad)... so drinking wasn't really even a concept, let alone a go-to choice of beverage.

But by sophomore year, I was in my second real relationship (the first one broke my heart and hardened my spirit, but that's another story for another day), and I had made the connection between alcohol and unwinding. Engineering was STRESSFUL, or at least that's what everyone in my sphere of influence decided... and alcohol was our way to break free and prove that we were still cool and knew how to have a good time.

We threw a party in a hotel room during a conference called "40s and shorties", where the tub was literally filled with 40-ounce bottles of MD 20/20 and Olde English. We were there to prove that NOBODY could party like engineering students... especially those from the liiiiiiiivest HBCU on the planet (which, still has yet to be challenged, though NCA&T has tried).  But all I proved to myself was that I could handle back to back shots and said funny things when inebriated.  See, I wasn't an ANGRY drunk!

Really, Arielle? Really?

Fast forward 10 years, and now I am a 27 year-old engineer who still drinks to "take the edge off." Which, if I'm being honest really means "numbs me down so I forget what kind of day I had."  Stress has increased in my life and instead of actually addressing the stress, anxiety and sadness I encounter every day at work, I'd much rather buy a bottle of Merlot with my homegirl and drink it dry because "nobody wastes liquor!" and I also don't want to be pinpointed as a "babysitter."

THAT WOULD BE SUCH A FAIL!

I have spent a decade of my life pacifying my highs and lows with ethanol. Yes. Ethanol. The same girl who stopped perming her hair because "OMG chemicals!" struggles to part with a bottle of ethanol mixed with artificial sweeteners and fresh fruits with fancy spanish, italian and french names just so I can make it through a date without jettisoning the cute guy I like out of total embarassment, anticipation of rejection and consequently self-sabotage. Say that sentence again 3x.

Yes, cute guy. I'll take another Sangria because you're paying and I need to slow my response time before I freak out and tell you that I like you so much. Please. Thank you. You're a blessing.

*DEEP SIGH*

I have much more to say on this topic, but because I don't want to make this post CRAZY long, I'll wrap it up here. I'm not sure when I'll completely stop drinking. But I have acknowledged my desire to start saying Yes to living my life sans fermented carbonyl groups.  The simplified structure of H2O is way more appealing to my complicated life.

This also means that I'll have to face a lot of my fears, anxieties, and stress head on, with no cushion of a tempered glass of Chardonnay.  I'm not saying it's gonna look pretty. But I've got to do something different. Shift some things around. Align with God's purpose for my life. And continue to pray for you, my friends, my family, strangers on the street corner, student driver in the left lane going 60 in a 65, policeman who thinks I'm a threat because of my skin, and the potential President of the United States.

Because we all need peace in our lives. So let's seek it out for the right reasons, and respond accordingly.

Today's Countries: Equatorial Guinea, Europa Island, Eritrea, Estonia, Ethiopia, Falkland Islands, Faroe Islands, Fiji, Finland

        

Love First

My grandmother migrated to the mainland United States from the US Virgin Islands well over half a century ago. She raised six children, and has been there for me and her other 9 grandchildren and 4 great-grand children for our entire lives. My grandmother is one of the happiest people I know, with an infectious laugh and REALLY GREAT COOKING.

With my cousin Sylvia and my Grandmother in 2015 <3

One of my best memories of my grandmother was when she lived with us back when I was in elementary school. On the day my little brother Christian was born, it was only me, Mike and her in the house, and I remember her getting us all together and ready for our school trip that day. We were SO excited, but grandma made sure my parents had nothing to worry about with her in the house. She ALWAYS made sure we were put together and invested in our lives from an early age.

Like Solomon, my grandmother always showered us with wisdom, love and support. She helped build a family legacy which I work hard to carry forward in my life's work. I sincerely believe that I am the woman I am today because of the love my grandma had for my dad and his siblings, and how that love continues to bind us today. Every family has their challenges, and mine is not exempt, but I KNOW that my grandmas unconditional love for all of her children is a direct reflection of God's unconditional love for me.

I am blessed to be part of a family that always puts love first.

So Happy Birthday to Grandma as I continue this journey of love as I think about and pray for countries today. <3
Today's Countries: Denmark, Djibouti, Dominica, Dominican Republic, Ecuador, East Timor, Egypt, El Salvador

On Sacrifice

After King Solomon's prayer, and the all-consuming fire that immediately followed, the people were amazed at God's response time. 2 Chronicles 7 says that the people began to worship, saying "For he is good, for his steadfast love endures forever."

Now I'm not sure about you, but I'm not completely convinced that this would be my response to a literal fire breaking out after a desperate prayer for God to come and heal our land.  I can think of quite a few other emotions that would probably render me speechless/scared/FREAKED OUT/etc.  So why was it so easy for these people to just begin to worship?

Because they knew who God was and what He was capable of doing.

According to the Matthew Henry Commentary (great tool to help you study the bible btw!), the people of Israel didn't see the outbreak of fire as a frightening moment, but the recognized it as God's power choosing to consume their sacrifices instead of themselves. This is a clear picture of  God's willingness to forgive us of our own wrongdoings if we would lay down our temporary material possessions in exchange for God's mercy, grace and peace expressed through His love.

Because of Christ, this doesn't mean that we have to physically give up everything on the altar every time we make a mistake, because Christ was the ultimate sacrifice that God chose to consume on our behalf.  Still, we recognize that our possessions pale in comparison to a secure relationship with God our father, through his son Jesus.  We remember that our possessions do not bring us eternal peace, but it is right standing with Him that gives us hope, joy, and freedom to live without fear.

I recognize that the entire world does not believe the same way that I am convinced that through Christ we have access to unlimited grace and peace.  While I wish more people could have this experience, today I pray that wherever you are reading these words, from the DRC to the Czech Republic, that you would find your way to a place where the temporary things in this life do not consume you, your hopes or your dreams.  I truly pray that you can find eternal peace throughout your journey.

Today's Places: The Democratic Republic of the Congo, Cook Islands, Coral Sea Islands (no flag), Costa Rica , Côte d’Ivoire, Croatia, Cuba, Cyprus, Czech Republic

       

Click the flags to learn more about each place!

Self-Evident?

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness." 

Self-evident. As in: Obvious. Self-explanatory. Clear as day. No other way to put it. No common sense needed.

PLOT TWIST: at the time of the writing of the Declaration of Independence, nothing was self-evident. Because in America, a country created out of nothing, formed by land stolen from natives and an economy built on the blacks of slaves, the definition of "men" was limited to only a certain group of people.  Life, liberty and pursuit of happiness were only set aside for these special few, and these promises were only meant for them alone.

Arguably, many others are still kept outside of these truths to this day.  This is the United States of America.  This is the country in which I was born, raised and still reside. The irony is not lost on me that while we celebrate the diversity in the achievements of sport via the Olympics this week, our own country still struggles to celebrate the diversity of our achievements in many other arenas.

For example, Milwaukee is a city desperately trying to quench the fires that rose over the weekend in response to yet another black man, Sylville K. Smith, killed by police.  Milwauke has been noted as the most segregated city in the United States (yes in the North!). So the contrast of burning buildings and the cries of pain from its residents because their voices continue to be unheard to the burning Olympic torch and the cries of victory for Simone Biles, Simone Manuel, Michelle Carter, Daryl Homer, Laurie Hernandez, Ibtihaj Muhammad, and others, is a direct reflection of what it feels like for me today to love my country and be in constant agony as an American.

So that is why I do not place my faith in declarations of independence, or of election-year promises made by well-meaning candidates both local and federal. I do not place my heart and soul in the rhetoric of athletes who declare that our nation is "beyond race", or even in the sermons of preachers who decide to perform verbal gymnastics just help their diverse congregations grasp that black lives still matter (it's clearly not self-evident). All of these verbal devices are prone to failure and will let me down.

Instead, I choose to put my faith on the promises of God who remind me that I am loved, accepted, created on purpose for a purpose.  That God made me in his image: brown skin, kinky hair, big lips, thick thighs and all.  That while people may discredit me because of how I appear, that even when my coworker tells me that my afro-hair scares him (yes this actually happened this morning, btw)... I am bought with a price, that I am precious in God's eyes and that I am fearfully and wonderfully made with gifts and talents that no man can take away.

What God says about me isn't always self-evident, as the declaration of independence promises. But it is still true, it still stands, and it is also still a promise for you.

Today, I fix my eyes on Jesus, the author and finisher of my faith.  I pray that he will keep you in perfect peace as he does it for me every step of the way.  No matter what your country says, promises, or declares... God is the only one who can make good on his word, and he will never leave you hanging. It may not always be self-evident, but let Him prove it to you!

Today's Countries: Central African Republic, Chad, Clipperton Island (no flag), Chile, China, Christmas Island, Cocos (Keeling) Islands, Colombia, Comoros, Congo

       

   

Click on the country's flag to learn more!

The Emotional Blessing of Sadness

I started a new devotional yesterday on the YouVersion Bible App (which is an awesome way to get some word in your system, btw!).  The title of this devotion is "Working Through Failure," and if you know anything about me or my life for the last 3 years, you know this is something I've been struggling with in every aspect of my life.

I've realized that failure has found me in a few different areas:

• Anxiety: I get easily overwhelmed in the middle of unknown circumstances (I almost lost it on my entire family recently on vacation when we couldn't figure out how to use the Panama City metro cards).
• Self-Esteem: I learned about the term "impostor syndrome", which is basically a feeling that I'm not good enough to be where I am, especially as it relates to a professional setting.
• Lack of Trust: My trust in people took a big hit over the past few years due to falling out with certain friends in ways that damaged how I relate to people, and has hurt my current relationships with others.

So today's devotional really spoke to me, saying:

"Feeling sadness is uncomfortable.  Without the emotional blessing of sadness, however, we would probably never muster the guts to admit our mistakes."

For the first time, I feel like my eyes have been opened to seeing failure and sadness as a blessing. This has connected me even more deeply with Matthew 5:4, where Jesus says:

"Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted."

There is healing in admitting our mistakes. I've shared 3 of my own areas in which I have struggled to succeed (trust me there's a few others).  As I pray for these countries and territories today, I pray for you, for their leaders, and for their people, that we would begin to recognize the blessing in our failure and in grieving our failures in a way that allows God to step in, help us get back on track, and grow in love, faith, and respect for others.

Click on the flag/photo to learn more about each location!

         

Today's Places: Brunei Darussalam, Bulgaria, Burkina Faso, Burma (Myanmar), Burundi, Cambodia, Cameroon, Canada, Cape Verde, Cayman Islands,